nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
