Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
