Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
