Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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