I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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