tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
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Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
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She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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