Welp...herpes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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