Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize