Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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