So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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