The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
