If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
