Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
