well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
