I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
