Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
