Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
