I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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