his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
