too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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