come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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