I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
