his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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