shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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