If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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