i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
