i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
