im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
