Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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