I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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