new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
