Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Please don't give away my fajitas
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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