what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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