Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
