Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
