You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
