u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
