Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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