Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
