woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
