i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
