Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
