A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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