sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
