I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
