That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
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Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
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I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.