so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.