I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom