the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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