yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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