I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
