So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
