stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
