woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
