I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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