$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
