Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
