if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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