dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
