So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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