i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
