I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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