So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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