I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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