Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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