I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
