I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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