ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
