Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
