no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
