I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
