You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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