I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
